It's not easy
by xxMACxx
Summary: "It's not easy to be me." Emily has a decision to make. One-shot


**This is my first story ever so bear that in mind while you read! **

Looking out the window, Emily could see the snow swirling around with the wind. '_Just like the thoughts inside my head_', she thought amused. The last couples of months had been rough, getting back to the BAU and adjust to being a profiler again. It was expected that the others would feel betrayed and be angry, which didn't make things easier, but after a while, Morgan finally caved and forgave me for "dying" on him. His words, not mine.

But after being away for so long changes a person and I couldn't help but feel like the BAU wasn't the home it used to be anymore. Of course, it didn't help that every day I would see the man I love come in to work with a smile on his face and know that it was another woman that was making him happy. Maybe it was time to move on, find a new place and people to call home…

As Emily made her way to her desk to finish her paperwork she kept thinking about the offer that Clyde had made her a week earlier. Moving to London and have her own team. Be the team leader, and get some sense of control. That was something that had bothered her since she "died". She had no control over what happened to her, people ranking higher than her making all the decisions in her life. Looking out in space, Emily was startled when someone spoke to her.

"_Are you ok Princess?" –_Morgan asked

"_Of course, Morgan, I'm just thinking"- _Emily said back to him before continuing on her paperwork. Morgan would occasionally look over at her but she ignored him, not wanting him to know about her indecision.

Walking into her apartment, Emily made a beeline for her kitchen to put away her dinner for the night. After putting everything away, she put on some music and started up the bathtub, wanting to relax a bit after work before making dinner. She lit up some candles before letting her robe fall to the floor and testing the temperature with her feet to make sure it was perfect before going in. After a couple of minutes, her thoughts about London came back, and she made the decision then and there that she needed a change! Even though she would really miss her family, she had nothing else going for her here. Hotch had found love and it wasn't with her, so all she wanted now was to find the same for herself.

The next day she called Clyde and accepted his offer, thanking him for doing this for her. He once promised her he would make sure she was taken care of, and he always kept his promises. Smiling as he reminded her of that she hung up just as she sat down at her desk. JJ saw the smile when she was walking to Hotch's office.

"_What's got you smiling?" _she asked

"_Oh, nothing, just having a good day for once"_ Emily answered, feeling a little guilty for not telling the whole truth, but she wasn't ready to yet. Besides, she wanted to tell the whole team together. Clyde had given her a week to get her ass down to the London office, so she gave herself two days to get the courage to tell the team that she was leaving them again, this time for good…

Her time was up. It had been two days and she'd been trying to psych herself up, and now she was so anxious she was actually shaking. Asking everyone to meet her in the conference room in ten minutes, she was now pacing back and forth mumbling out loud to herself when everyone started to come in and sit down. Rossi put a hand on her shoulder to stop her pacing but she was so absorbed in her mind that she jumped back when he touched her. Holding a hand to her chest she said

"_Damn, you scared the hell out of me!"_

"_Sorry… Emily, are you ok, you look a bit pale_" he said back to her.

" _Y-Yeah, I'm fine, I just have an announcement to make" _she said, looking nervously around at everyone, trying to make a mental picture in her head that she could think about after she left. Morgan, Garcia and Reid was sitting on the left of the table while Hotch, JJ and now Rossi sat to the right while Prentiss was standing where JJ normally would present their cases. Picking on her nails, she started to tell them.

"_Ever since I came back, I haven't felt that this was the place for me anymore. My apartment feels cold, and everything about this place just brings up bad memories about… him." _Ian wasn't sure if she should tell them, but they had the right to know.

"_I know that this might be hard for you to understand, but I actually loved him. I was together with him for nearly two years, and although my name was fake, my feelings weren't, so watching him die was hard. I knew _he was a bad man, but you don't choose who you fall in love with." At this point she looked up at Hotch for a second before looking back down.

"_I love you guys so much, you are my family… but I believe it is time for me to move on, find myself again, get over Doyle and maybe fall in love again." _Or out of love, she thought, thinking about Hotch. "_I got a call from Clyde the other day about a position at the Interpol field office in London, and I've decided to take it." _

She looked up at their faces, they all looked stunned. Reid looked like someone kicked his puppy; JJ and Garcia both had glassy eyes, Morgan just looked sad. Rossi was nodding his head with understanding while Hotch looked devastated, which actually surprised Emily. Even though she had feelings for him, he had never showed any towards her before so why was he taking this so hard, she wondered.

"I'm leaving in five days" She finished and sat down. Even though she was leaving them all behind, she would still call and visit, and she felt that this was the best decision she could have made for herself. Finally feeling like she was going forward and not backwards.

**Well, here you have it **** since this is my first story; I would appreciate it if you would be gentle with your reviews. Thanks! **


End file.
